Beauty in the darkness Zoe G.
Those who’ve followed me for some time will know that I have an ongoing battle with being able to say “no” when I need too.
I had an epiphany today in this regard. I know that part of my battle with saying “no”, comes from the fact that we didn’t dare say that “swear” word to the father, if we knew what was “good” for us. This is alone can teach a kid, that “no” is bad.
The epiphany is, that there is quite possibly another source to my struggle with this word. I feel like I owe a “yes” to anyone who is nice or good to me. I didn’t grow up with much kindness to say the least, therefore it’s foreign.
Whenever there was “kindness” coming from the father, there were always strings attached. It was never just because a father wanted to be loving to his daughter.
You see narcissists, never do anything just to be kind. They only show fake “kindness” if there’s something in it for them. They use it to manipulate, or pull you back into their black widow’s web. To give you an example,the father always got us Christmas gifts at Christmas time, but it wasn’t to bring joy to his children, it was to make himself look good, and seem like a wonderful person. It was part of his deception. All narcissists lie like this. It creates confusion for their victims.
He loved the praise he would receive from giving such wonderful “gifts”. The mother worked hard too, and provided gifts but he demanded all the praise. It was all about him.
If the attention was taken from him, and turned towards the mother, it wouldn’t be long before his true colours would appear. There would either be rage out of nowhere turned on us, or there would be manipulative tears, both with the intention of bringing the attention back to him.
This is to say that the lesson I learned is, there are always strings attached when someone shows kindness. I owe, for any kindness shown to me, how can I say “no?”
I struggle to believe than anyone means what they say, when they are kind. I always wonder what they’re really thinking, or what they want from me.
Does this make sense? Do any of you struggle in this way?
There is hope!
